What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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