I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
