You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
did you just send me my own nude
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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