Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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