dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
one might say we're banned from that church
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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