Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it hurts more in the daytime
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
