break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
