i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
