I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Boobs speak an international language.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
