I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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