Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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