Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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