The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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