Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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