8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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