On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
