Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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