But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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