We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Houston, we have a squirter
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
