you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
