Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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