you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
