just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
