in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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