maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
