i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
