why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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