Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize