mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
