I could have mohawked her pubes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forget how to act sober
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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