Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
