Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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