dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
