Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
