I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
