i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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