I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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