Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize