Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
