call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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