It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
