I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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