I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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