This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
