I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
