No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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