Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
