He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
