just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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