Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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