I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
