She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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