He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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