good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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