Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
