I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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