If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
