How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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