i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
