im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
