You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
