Plan B is the new Plan A
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
