What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
