Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
