Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
