I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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