Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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