yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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