At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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