The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
