i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
