he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My ass is underappreciated
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
