I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
