would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
