i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
