my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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