if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
