Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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